Gosh, i never thought that it would hurt so much to miss spending valentines day with the one you love so much. This morning when i did the earlier post, i thought i could handle it. i really thought i could. but now, at about 8 in the night, all i can do is lie on my bed in my darkened room and cry quiet tears, feebly hoping that no one in my house will be able to hear me. the fan is not on, and neither is the air conditioning, but it seems all strangely appropriate. like everything is a little dead and lifeless, just like the way i feel, doesnt help that the fucking army barely gives him any time to call. gosh, i never thought i'd be reduced to swearing either. Even as i type this post, silent tears are just coming, one after the other, and i cant seem to stop them. i just really miss him so crazy much, i do. all those retards who say it gets easier are simply that-- retards. it doesnt. it just sucks more and more, and it's so conflicting, because at the same time, i'm so super proud of my soldier, so proud of him for everything he's enduring and stuff. still... i just want him back. i miss him so much. All i can do is hug that teddy bear my darling got for me for my birthday, gently press its paw, and hear the recorded sound of his voice. hello rachel, i love you... hello rachel, i love you... hello rachel, i love you... sometimes, i guess if i close my eyes and imagine hard enough, i can pretend he's here, saying those words to me in person. But in the end, it's all pretend isnt it. screw this.
feeling so bitter, i can practically taste the bile </3 purpleandorangesheep
me 
