Sitting in the common room on level 19 of my hostel, I am struck by how nice it seems to have all these people that i care for, engaged in their individual activities, and yet all so connected to me. To one side, four of us are playing a really interesting game called Blockus. Further away a small group is hard at work typing on their computers, completing individual assignments. Not too long ago, the same group was laughing hysterically at some strange video or another. Myself, i have just stepped out from playing a game and have now placed myself in a quiet corner, just observing all of these.
Such scenes have become so commonplace in my life, and I cant help but be so incredibly thankful for it. There is this feeling of just... home... that these wonderful people evoke in me. This sense of belonging, of peacefulness, of contentedness, it's just something that being surrounded by this brilliant people make me feel.
I personally think that home and family is made of the people that you care about, and who care about you. That's what I feel when I look at the people here. They're amazing, and will forever be called part of my family, because they are just that important to me. This is home.
I don't know. This is such an incredibly random post to make, but it's just something that I felt I had to say. The feeling just gripped me, and well. Here it is.
So yes. Home. Tonight in this cosy place.
It's been three months since my last blogpost, but i have returned with yet another. Perhaps one might wonder why I would feel like doing this once again, out of the blue. I really have no idea. It was just a whim I got when I opened up my old Macbook (yes, just the Macbook, not the Pro). I suppose the feeling of its keys just makes me want to type. Something about this machine perhaps. It really has the most wonderful keyboard. The touch of the keys under my fingers just feels so satisfying. Perhaps I should take to writing my essays on this machine. But that is a story for another time.
So, I'm almost at the end of my second semester of University. It's pretty crazy really, in the blink of an eye I have transitioned from floundering Junior College student, struggling with her A levels, to floundering University student, struggling with her CAP. It seems so much has changed and yet everything has stayed the same.
On a lighter note, things have been going much better for me this semester compared to the last. For one thing, I no longer feel the same oppressive darkness that hung over me last semester. Life does not feel nearly as hopeless as it did. Granted, my feelings sometimes feel very muted and washed-out, as if I feel behind a glass wall, but at least I feel. It is extremely relieving and nice, and sometimes I just get overwhelmed by it all. It's such a beautiful contrast to be able to experience this side of life once more, much like a color-blind person finally being able to see the first semblance of color in their life. Sometimes I burst out in strange shows of affection for the people around me, and maybe it is weird. I cannot help it though, they are the people who have helped see me through what I would consider one of my darkest periods in my recent life, and I am nothing if not grateful to them for it.
Seriously, the people in my University are some of the most brilliant, wonderful, sweet people that I have ever met. They are non-judgmental, supportive, funny, amazing and really, nearly every positive adjective one can think of. I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life, but I do know that I have to thank God everyday for them.
Also, I have undergone a change in faculty. This is probably one of the more intelligent things that I have done in my University life. I am much happier in the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences than I was back in Business. Granted, my future may no longer seem as secure as bright, but hey, at least I am happy. I really do think that if I am going to be studying something for the next four years, then I bloody well better like it. And I do like what I am doing now (political science), so I guess this is all good.
I'm also in my second semester of German. It is getting much much much more difficult than it was last semester, but it still continues to retain its fun value. As we would say in German, "Deutsch ist sehr schwer, aber es macht sehr viel Spaß!" Indeed, it does make for a lot of fun. And since I am going to Germany in May (yay!), I anticipate it can only get better. :)
On the downside, I guess you could say that University life is getting harder. Transferring to arts by no means lessened my workload - if anything, it feels as though it has been increased. Yet I do manage to find in me a motivation that I never really had back in Business school to do well. Perhaps this has much to do with passion, which was sorely lacking last semester if you ask me. Whether or not I will succeed is a completely different matter entirely, but at least for now, I can say that I do badly want to try. And try I will.
So yes. Life is so much different this semester, and yet so much the same, and I must say, I am excited for what it holds next in store for me.
Until then, I swear to God I will continue to breathe.
And maybe this time, even smile.
<3 purpleandorangesheep
me 
