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CHEM OMG
Sunday, November 14, 2010 7:07 PM | 0 ♥ comments

And here i return with the next post. Barely a day after the last. I see my A levels kind of going down the drain. Nahh, the real reason is the need to express emotions. See, I was just doing my chemistry revision like any good A level student would. Hardworking no? But it seemed that the more I did my chem, the less I could do my questions. Even the really crazy simple ones that I typically, prior to A levels beginning anyway, would have no problem doing. And then the flood of emotion that had been held behind a dam ever since paper 3 had been concluded came rushing forth, much like a rushing river and whatnot. Such melodrama. Heh. But you know,

It was a really head in hands, on the verge of giving up kind of feeling.
Too much to bear...
And damn, it felt horrible. It seems like ever since that paper a large part of my confidence for chemistry had just evaporated, much like the ullage of a bowl of water left in a windy area. It's pretty crazy. Things had changed. For some reason, I now approach the doing of chemistry with a sort of trepidation and a queer form of fear. It's... unpleasant. Yeah. 
And today didn't help much either. Today in church a "friend" asked how the A levels was. So being the nice honest girl that I am, heh, I told him about it objectively and truthfully. That I'd messed up pretty big. So of course, naturally, I would expect a grown adult to have a little tact and behave like, you know, a civilized human being. No. You know what he told me?
"Ever thought you may not be as good at the subject as you think you are?"
Gee thanks. That's all I ever needed to hear, right in the midst of my A levels as well right. Thank you, you're such a pal! -_-


I dont know it really hurt me, and it really affected my day and my studying capacity. It made me wonder, what if i really am not as good as i would like to think? what if much of my expectations for myself are a large part of well, wishful thinking. Prior to about 5 months ago, my chem really wasnt all that good. So how?


gotta keep trying no?
But then i thought, damn. I'm not going to let some asshole get me down. I gotta conquer chem and show him. And this sounds like a really good idea to me, but it's kind of a hard one to execute. 
Still, I'm going to try. I'm going to try to break out of this horrible emotional mess. I'm going to try and cut free all the emotional baggage and scarring that had happened as a result of that one single paper. 
After all, no sense in letting everything I've worked for so far go down the drain right?


Pfft. Easier said than done.
Still, 
Still smiling, still breathing.


<3 purpleandorangesheep









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